Mom's Happy Hideaway

The scariest thing I can think of experiencing in mommyhood is something happening to your babies. Well, I have officially had this moment… up to this point at least. And you know what… it’s ok to be scared and it’s ok to be better safe than not sorry. I say this as a mom and as a nurse.

Being the Nurse

Before having kids I was a pediatric nurse. Caring for kids has always been my passion. I just love them!! I have had my share of kids that I would have taken home and cared for as my own children, I have had my heart tugged at a million times over caring for these sweet innocent little loves, and I have also had a blast “playing” while I tried to make things not so scary and as normal as possible. Children are the innocent souls of this earth and I have cherished my time with them. But, caring for other children is not the same as caring for your own. And I would say many if not most healthcare providers would say the same.

Being the Mom

When I had my own children, things certainly changed. My poor nurse friends became my endless sounding boards of “is this ok?” or “what do you think about this?” Now if it was not my child I could give you the answer in a heart beat… there is just something different when it comes to a piece of your heart and soul.

The Moment

So, back to my scary moment. Our sweet girl was just over 1 month old. She has been another amazingly great baby like our son. And like our son, she was beginning to have food allergies. She was presenting with crazy diapers, excess gas, and intense reflux. At this point we are 2 weeks into food restrictions and things were slightly improving.

At 2am I wake up to the scary sound of coughing, choking, and gasping all at the same time. I fly out of bed and immediately swoop her up and start patting (beating is more like it) her back and blowing in her face. After what seemed like forever – probably 1 minute- and no improvement, I grabbed my stethoscope. As I listen to her between her gasps and chokes I hear very little air moving and a rapidly beating heart. The actual words “this is what it’s like when people lose a child” kept flashing like a sign in time square in my head. I was sick! I kept my maneuvers up to try to clear her airway without success.

At this time my husband, who normally could sleep through an atomic bomb, but has for some reason also awoke with the sound of her in distress, is begging me to call 911. I look at the time and visualize that it has now been 4 minutes that she has been in some level of discomfort and having some difficulty breathing I make the decision. We are driving her to the fire station because we don’t have time to call 911.

I will stop here to say that everyone knows me as an overly chill person. I am that person who thrives in the chaos of the ED and the mess of the trauma floor. Things do not get me stressed or panicked. So my words to my husband that it was time and we needed to go right now…. you can imagine the level of sheer terror that he was experiencing.

My decision to drive to the fire station steams from the fact that if I had any sense of a pitchers arm, I could probably throw a ball through the window of the fire station, as it’s on the street that is behind our home. In any other living situation I would have called 911. We race to get ourselves together and swoop our son out of bed and jump into the car. All the while she remains somewhat distressed and I continue to beat on her. 30 seconds later, at the fire station, we pull up as a firefighter is pulling up onto duty. He quickly runs to asses her just as she lets out the biggest man burp possible. So of course she is completely fine by the time he reaches us and looks at her.

Long story short, we returned home a few minutes later, exhausted. And for me, with a slightly bruised ego. I had always prided myself on staying calm and knowing what to do. But this was my baby, and I was almost sure that if someone else didn’t look at her that she wasn’t going to make it. Dramatic…yes! But, as I clutched to her the rest of the night while rubbing my son’s back who I had laying next to me, I realized… who cares!! I don’t care that I looked ridiculous… my babies are the most important things in the whole world and I would do anything- clearly- for them!

So to all the moms (and dads) out there- listen to your gut and love those babies, no matter the potential embarrassing price!

Original Post Date: October 15, 2018