Mom's Happy Hideaway

Let’s start by saying universally – Mom (parent) Shaming is an absolute No No!! Yes, I get it, we may not always agree on how other parents raise their little loves. But, no two parent-child relationship is the same. Even worse… when Non-Parents mom (parent) shame… That is a HUGE Shame on you!! You literally have NO IDEA!! It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. I am not sure if you’ve ever been a victim of mom shaming… but let me tell you… it is enough to even make the Queen’s Guard flinch!

The Shamming

In my case, it was the nanny that mom shamed me! Yep… an employee! The person I paid to come to my home and care for my babies while I worked. The shaming comments pretty much started immediately after she was hired. But, some people don’t have a set of social norms or know when not to say those crazy comments that pop into your head out loud. So, I just ignored the comments and trucked along. Soon after this an episode arouse of child bashing. She moved on from me to my children. That was it!! No more ignoring. I quipped back, almost assuredly defensively. I mean come on when someone attacks your child…. oh it is on. At this point, I immediately placed the kids on the waiting list for preschool.

While I waited for spots to open up for the kids at preschool, the nanny put in ONE WEEKS NOTICE. Seriously?!?! One week given on a Saturday no less. As anyone dealing with child care knows… it is IMPOSSIBLE to find good childcare. Waiting lists are endless. Not to mention if you have more than one child…getting them into the same place literally takes an act of congress. Ugh! In her texted notice she advised me that she interviewed for a job 4 weeks ago and didn’t tell me sooner because she was unsure if she would get the job. I should mention here that she had only been with us for 6 weeks to this point.

She criticized almost every aspect of my parenting and bashed my kids again!! The mom shammer touched on many topics that made her “job unbearable” including her disapproval of co-sleeping, her disgust at how she perceived that I did too much for my kids (11mo and 3yo) causing them to be unhealthily attached to me, her impression that my children lacked confidence and independence because I did everything for them, the difference in parenting styles between my husband and I, her thought that I had no understanding of child development, her disapproval with the baby camera, her annoyance that she couldn’t take my children wherever she wanted, her desire to make more money…. and the list goes on. She then ended with the “tip” that a “young, inexperienced, and naive nanny” would be a better fit for our family, not an experienced one such as herself! Literally no words….

It’s Not Me, It’s You

It took every ounce of me to say, “I appreciate your input and thank you.” I’m not getting into a war with someone who obviously has no clue on how to be a decent human being. Despite how incredibly unprofessional and unfriendly her words were, I had to remind myself that they were just words. And words do not make a person or a situation right. Only two weeks in and she already interviewed for a job?? I think quite a bit of deflection took place within her as she focused so much hate towards me and my children. Blaming me and my kids because you don’t have a back bone to do or say the right thing?! Sorry honey… I see right through you …. and I don’t like it one bit!! Bye Felicia! Oh and thank you… because I definitely don’t want my children cared for by someone so unstable.

Mom (parent) shaming is a horrible aspect of parenting that no one should ever experience. And unfortunately so many experience. It’s unnecessary and beyond immature. It not only hurts the person on the receiving end, but degrades the offender down to pond scum. And no one likes pond scum! I am utterly appalled. It is a sad world we live in where people speak so hatefully towards others without any thought of it being acceptable or not. The entitlement of people never ceases to amaze me.

You Do You

Parents out there-you do you!! Parent in the best way you can. Do what works best for you and your babies. We can all use some positive tips and help. And I say that is welcome. But the negativity needs to stop!! It’s not needed nor is it wanted. Most, if not every, parent has felt some guilt about not being a better parent… we don’t need others adding to it. If you are a mom or parent shammer… and you state you really want to help… check your delivery and your intention. Guaranteed if it’s coming across poorly… there needs to be more positivity behind it. I call to everyone – Let’s Do Better. For our selves and our children!